OBG Editor’s Note: For the last three years, birthparents from across the state of Ohio have traveled to Columbus each month to attend our independent, birthparent-led support meetings. While we will certainly miss them in Columbus, we’re thrilled that our incredible friends in Cincinnati have decided to officially bring OBG to Queen City! Introducing the three birthparent organizers of our new OBG-Cincinnati chapter…
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Welcome to Ohio Birthparent Group-Cincinnati!
We, the three birth mother facilitators of OBG-Cincinnati, span multiple generations and have very different adoption experiences. Yet, we share one thing in common. Each of us has experienced the life-altering experience of losing a child to adoption.
My name is Susan Anthony and I lost my child to adoption in 1967. Popularly known as “Baby Scoop Era”, this time period was characterized by sealed adoption records, a veil of secrecy, and a total lack of counseling or support for birthparents after adoption. In order to survive the loss of my baby girl, I had to wall off my feelings of shame and grief. They didn’t resurface for 27 years until circumstances forced me to open the door to the past. It was terrifying and liberating at the same time and the good news is it resulted in my lost daughter finding my family and me in 1997. Inspired by the new Adoptee Access legislation in Ohio (S.B. 23) that passed in December 2013, I wanted to bring OBG to Cincinnati in order to support local birthparents who are negotiating the emotional rollercoaster of adoption reunion.
Our second founding birthmother has been in an open adoption for four years. She has extensive contact with her child, a genuine friendship with the adoptive parents and has met the extended adopted family. Yet, her open adoption is not without its challenges. She joined the leadership team to help birthparents break through the isolation that keeps them apart, challenge the assumptions people make about adoption, and “help birthparents rely on each other for support.”
Our third founding member lost her daughter to adoption in 1996. Like me, her daughter’s adoption was ‘closed’ but she became involved early on in a post-adoption support organization called Adoption Network Cleveland. She relates, “Through this group I was able to receive support and education about adoption issues and meet many other birthparents. As I moved out of state and to other areas of Ohio, I realized that this type of support network is unique and rare. My hope for starting this group in Cincinnati is to extend support to the birthparents in this area, to let them know they are not alone, and to provide a safe place for them to share their experiences with people who understand.”
Three women, three unique stories. Together, we hope to reach out to birthparents in all generations, from all walks of life, and extend an invitation to find support among our group. We hope to develop a community of birthparents in Cincinnati that allows each member to find their voice, understand their adoption experience on their own terms and be supported in their journey to self-definition and self-discovery. We pledge to honor one another as peers in this journey and respect each of our stories as sacred. Please join us!
If you’re a birth mother or birth father in Cincinnati or Northern Kentucky, join OBG Cincinnati every Third Saturday from 10:30am-12:30pm at the Blue Ash Library.
So glad to have the three of you leading the Cinci expansion!
I’m still absorbing all of this. My child was adopted in 1970 when I was 14. I think of my child everyday. I was taken by my parents to a home for unwed mothers and privately had the child. My siblings, husband and current children do not know. I want my child to have my health history. I’m not sure I’m emotionally equipped to have a reunion. Still thinking it through. Sadly through printing the birth mothers packet and watching the well made video on the OJFS website I determined the mothers address is not removed from the form. I still have family living at the address. An easy internet search will show who has lived at any address. The redaction process does not protect the birth mothers privacy. So sad this was not thought out. So when the stats come out that few birth mothers requested redaction be aware of the fact that it does not really protect them and it will be a factor. Has anyone in your group meetings raised this concern? Thank you so much for providing a place to share info!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! As birthparents ourselves, we know first-hand how complicated it is to live with this loss in our lives, particularly when we haven’t been able to share this with those closest to us. Many birthparents come to us at this exact moment, when something is changing in their lives and it feels like reconnection or new information is around the corner. The fears and anxieties about search and reunion can be very overwhelming- as can be the fears and anxieties about sharing this with others when it has been inside us for so long.
One of the things we have learned through supporting each other is that sealed birth certificates have never shielded us from the possibility of reconnection. People can and do find each other all the time in Ohio without adoptee access to these records. We have worked with tons of birthparents who have been found by their children (and those who have found their children) using other methods, all before these records are open. Many of us have never wanted our information to be shielded from our children. Those of us who are concerned about disclosure have never been protected from disclosure or guaranteed non-disclosure by these old laws. There’s simply too many ways to be found, especially in this technological age.
We decided that we support this change in the law for many reasons, but one of them was because we realized it was always a myth that these laws ever protected us from disclosure. We prefer a contact preference system where we can speak for ourselves and advocate for our best interests on an individual level without the state of Ohio presuming anything about how we feel years after the birth of our children. This means that some of us might need to use the forms to tell our children we aren’t ready and may never be ready for contact. We think that being able to communicate our wishes to our children using the forms is actually a more effective way to secure privacy, if that’s what a birthparent wants. Otherwise, adoptees are flying blind; it would be necessary for an adoptee to search and make contact in order to ascertain their birthparents wishes.
As we have come to understand how much this myth has shaped our lives, we are ever more certain that groups like ours are critically important in helping birthparents navigate these complex feelings. If you’re in Ohio, join us!!
Not sure if I am allowed to post here, as I am an adoptee. First I would like to say to all of you birth parents, you are the most selfless, unconditional loving people on earth. You made a choice to give us life. I can not imagine how difficult it was to carry a baby that you were not going to keep, especially withstanding the cruel, insensitivity of some people. I humbly thank you. Whether you made the decision yourself or others made it for you, I can only imagine the many years of pain.
The person who talked about the new bill and not being sure if she is ready, I can’t imagine your suffering. I am concerned for my birth parents, that they may have gone on with their lives and buried the things they cannot change. I can’t imagine how you must feel. This dredges it all up for you and you can’t even go to the ones you love the most to figure out what to do! I am truly sorry for you! You need support! Stick with a group like this. I will be praying for you and all birth parents as you all get through this unsure time.
I am grateful to my birth parents. I would like them to know what a full and wonderful life I have, thanks to them.
As for the bill, I am happy that all of those who wish to unite, are closer to seeing that day. I am also very concerned for those birth parents who thought they were a part of a closed adoption, they have pushed the pain down deep and have moved on without sharing this part of them. This could change their lives and the lives of their loved ones forever.
For the record, I am open to my birth parents looking me up, but I do not think I will pursue them. Not really sure.
Thanks for listening, sorry if I am in the wrong place.
Most Gratefully,
Nancy